I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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