i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
