If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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