My liver just broke up with me...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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