bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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