I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
is this the sara with the beer cane?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
