everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
