You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
