Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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