i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
