it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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