Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
where does the pee come out of this thing
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
