Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
