Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
