she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
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