His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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