You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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