so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
