I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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