I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
