Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
