omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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