Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
