we're blogging at a bar
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
