Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
