When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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