it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
