can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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