Did you just see the Batmobile???
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
