I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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