I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
