Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
