i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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