He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
