yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
