they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
