so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
