i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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