HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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