I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
