Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
