I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
