P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Come share oat with me in your robe
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
