I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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