Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
