"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
