I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
