what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
