I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
