i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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