Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
