There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
When did angry sex become our thing?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
