He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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