im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
