i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
