just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
