This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
