The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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