You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
this beer tastes like vomit already
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
His hands were made for my vagina.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
