I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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